harder than it sounds

There are times in everyone's life, I'm sure, that they say to themselves, "well, that looked easier than I thought it was going to be". When I was a teenager I always wanted a relationship. Oh, I knew I wasn't ready, but I wanted one. I wanted to get married and have kids, and just be the stay at home mother and just help were I can in whatever church that I was attending.
I did not realize until, well, I think it hit me yesterday, that a relationship isn't easy all the time. Being with someone means work and a lot of it. Communication is harder than is sounds. Believe me when I say this, because it's true. Sometimes David and I forget to tell each other things, like I did something for the wedding and for got to let David know or David worked a different shift today and told everyone else, but me. My point is it's hard to communicate sometimes.
Now, top the communication things that will happen with disagreements and making big decisions. Put two stressed out individuals together making big decisions and who have disagreements, this could turn out bad. However, Because I love David and he loves me things work out. We both rely on God to help us through problems we may have. And above all respect each other and try not to get mad and see the other persons side.
To those of you teenagers or young people who think it's easy, oh it is for a little while, but after a couple of years being together and making decisions about getting married and where you'll live or even what your wedding vows are harder things to decide than you once thought.
The easy thing to do would to just give up, but if you love someone and I mean really love, you'll want to stick around. And you'll do anything you need to, even admit it when you are wrong in order to make it work.

Crazy

I think I'm going crazy. I've been trying so hard to get everything done. I'm under a lot of pressure to do everything. I need a job, and have been working my tail off to try and get one, I'm also a full time student and trying to plan a wedding. I'm staying up really late and sleep only a few hours a night. I'm not trying to get anyone to feel bad for me, so don't. It's what has to be done.

What I really want is for things to work out and make people be pleased with me.

BUSY!!!

Well, it's about time I updated this Blog. I have a little time this morning, so here I am.

So, this is what's going on in my life right now.

On Monday I had classes and Valentine's day, Chapel was really neat it was about expressing our love to God through painting, writing a letter, praying, taking communion, or singing. I chose to write a letter. I skipped my last class and went on a date with David. I spend the night on the couch at David's parent's house.

Tuesday, we went to our first marriage counseling session with the Pastor at our church. It was really good for us and I'm excited to continue. When I got home I had a math test, yuck. I think I did good.

Wednesday, I stayed home. I talked on the phone David and my mom about getting a house, I went into town with a couple of women I am friends with. I came home and did all my homework excluding a map for one of my classes and got ahead a little.

Today, I have to finish my last three invites so they are ready to be mailed so that I can bring them to David so that he can mail them. Then I have to get done with as much of my Biblical Interpretation homework as I can without the books from the library and do the reading and card that goes with it, watch a movie for speech communication class, and read 5 chapters for that class as well. Oh and is CROCHET NIGHT! I'm so excited! :D

Tomorrow, I will finish what homework I have left, clean and get ahead were I can. Oh, and marriage counseling homework. I also I have to finish decorating my door with a book of a Bible for a competition we are having within the dorms. :)

Saturday and Sunday my cousin is coming to spend time with me and get wedding plans figured out a bit. Sunday we are going to attend church with David. I'm so excited for that! :D

Next week I have Monday off and I plan on trying to get a job. I hope to get one. Tuesday I have marriage counseling and then I'm visiting with my family til Friday morning.

So, that's my life right now. I'm busy and I'm sure I forgot something. I know I have to bring certain things to my parent's home and bring certain things back with me and I'll have to buy gas. It's kind of crazy right now. But hey it's got to get done.

Oh how he loves us

The last couple weeks I've noticed that love seems to be the subject of most sermons, it's the subject in my devotions, it's the subject of most of the songs I sing. And it all points towards love. God is love. God's love is unconditional. One of my favorite songs is titled, "Oh how he loves us"

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,

Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way.
_________________________

We are drowning in His love! At church today the pastor quoted Romans 5:8, God loved us while we were still sinners. I don't have to change my life to make Him love me. I changed me life because He loves me! God doesn't love with conditions. God loves because He can, He chose too.

I'm reading a book called "Crazy love" by Francis Chan in devotions. He talks of God's love and much he loves us.

If your are at all like me it's hard understand the magnitude of God's love. God's love is unlimited, it is unconditional, it is eternal, it's like nothing we can get from any other human being. That's AWESOME!

We all want love and when we love God is should be an natural thing to want to spend time with Him. I want to spend as much time with David, my fiance, as I can to get to know him more all the time. How much greater is God than anyone else. I should want to spend time with Him all the time because I want to get to know Him because He is greater than any human being and wants to be everything to me. He is jealous for my love. (Ex. 20:5). We are commanded to love the God with all out heart, mind and soul (Matt. 22: 37-38). God wants time with us, He wants to get to know us, He wants to hear our struggles, problems, joys and sadness because He loves us.

In Ephesians it tells us that we were created to do good works, which God prepared is to do ahead of time We serve a God who knew us before we were born and promises to be with us not matter what. He longs for our love. All of our existence is not random, and it wasn't an accident. God knew what He was doing when he created us. He made us for a specific purpose. We don't have to worry about not meeting his expectations. He will give us success by His plan not ours. We just need to love Him and know Him well enough to know when and where He wants us to go.


It brings to question, why when we consistantly run away from Him and sin would He still love us? I don't know the answer to this, but without God's mercy we'd have no hope. No matter how good we try to be we still would need punishment for out sins. Because of God's mercy sin is paid for by Jesus, instead of death by you and I.

It is astounding that a God who knows all, is all powerful, merciful and eternal. Jesus didn't have to love us. He wants us. We are a treasure to God. God doesn't need us, He wants us. We need Him, but the sad part is we don't always want Him.

God doesn't force us to love him. He wants what is best for us. He draws us to Him so that we don't have to suffer hell. It may sound like that God is threatening us to love him, like we will go to hell if we don't begin a relationship with him. He calls us to love Him, so that in the end we can't accuse Him of being unloving in the end. He shows us what is best for us, which is to love Him. He gives us a choice to love Him or not.

1 John 4:8-God is love.

Postscript: The song was written by the David Crowder Band most of my writing came from "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and the Bible. :D

In honor of Valentine's day...my love story

I'm getting married in June. Everyone I encounter must know, I talk about it all the time. It's a major part of my life right now. And it's getting close to Valentine's day in honor of it I am going to tell my love story.

I didn't actually meet David until 2 and half months after we started talking. I friend-ed David via facebook. I was not searching for a guy, he was not searching for a girl. I was on Facebook and he was on my suggested friend list. To make myself clear, I had never, and have never since then, friend-ed someone I did not know or had never met in person before this. I did not think anything of a relationship and I do not know why, to this day, I friend requested him and messaged him. I suppose it was God's leading in some way.
Prior to this event, about two weeks let go of finding a man. I realized that God would bring a man into my life, on his timing and when I was ready for it. I was focused on God. Looking back on it now, I realize that God was just waiting for me to give him the control. And if you ask David he'll say the same thing, he gave God the control when it came to meeting the right girl just a few weeks before we started talking, or texting.

David and I got to know each other and became friends, he said he liked another girl. And at this point I had begun to like him, but I accepted it because I knew God had control and David might not be the guy for me anyway. So, I went out on a couple of dates with a really jerk, who kept asking me to go out with him repetitively and he tried to grab me in a way I didn't appreciate. I cringe every time I think of that.

Shortly after that David admitted he liked me and we agreed to meet. We decided a public place would be could, because I still didn't know if he was a creeper. (He sounded good via text, but you never know.) I met him in the Papa Murphy's parking lot, were he works, and than I followed him to a near by Mexican restaurant where his whole family was in the back, I could not see them. They were making so much noise. David and I sat up front and talked and got to know each other. Both of us were so nervous. When his family finished eating they paraded out in front down the isle past me and David each saying hi to me or introducing themselves. It was so funny and different, I could tell they were tight knit and I fell in love with all of them instantly. I remember someone from the family, I don't know who, throwing a breath mint from the front, it landed right in my lap. I loved it. After lunch, we were to go our separate ways I remember him asking if it was all right to give me a hug. I said yes. It was a very awkward side hug, as it should have been, and I went home.
For the next month we were back to texting again, we talked about dating some and we talked about the outcome if we dated. It was either get married or get hurt. David and I both came to a decision that "if" we dated, marriage was what we were after. So, David asked if he could date me and I said that I wanted him to meet my family first and so that's what he did, and his parent's came a long. I remember a good dinner mama made and apple pie. We played Nurtz, David and I were on a team I remember feeling that electrical kind of shock that goes between someone you really like for the first time sitting that close to him when we played. It was fun. That night he left and I remember seeing him walk out the door and wave good bye briefly as I stood on the porch. That night, via text, David asked me to be his girl friend and I said yes. That was March 7, 2009. I was 19.
Our first official date was about a week later. We went to a movie, Paul Blart Mall Cop, I know so romantic...:P And we held hands for the first time. He was the first guy I'd ever held hands with. It was perfect. David said later that his arm fell asleep, but he didn't want to let go.
A week after that we both new that we loved each other and told each other so It sounds so fast, but when you know, you know. I was "in love" and I loved him and I will never ever change my mind. We are in it for the long hall. We might not always like each other, but we will always love each other.
About a week after that we went to a concert with my family and another family from our church. It was so cool. 5 Christian bands all together, it was my first concert. And you'll never guess, we held hand through almost all of that concert. Poor David, his hand fell asleep again. On the way home...well it was perfect. I was falling asleep on him, I was so tired. It was so late.When we got home that night he kissed me goodbye. It was the most perfect first kiss for the both of us and I won't forget it.

....Fast forward....

6 month "anniversary" he gave me a promise ring, saying that someday he wanted to marry me. I wore it everyday. I kept it on my right ring finger...I didn't want to spoil the left one.

...July 17, 2010...

David's parents took us to a beach house that they rented. David was acting weird, he wanted to go the the beach as soon as we got there. His parent's were acting weird too. David took me to the beach. Gave me chocolate covered strawberries and when I'm eating one he starts telling me how much he loves me and I go into shock when he pulls out a ring and asks me to marry him. David laughs about this, and I get embarrassed, I had strawberry dripping off the side of my face and all I say is, "did you ask my dad?"(...he had the week before, without my knowing. He did buy the ring before asking). I did say yes, duh. When we got back to the house there was his mom camera in hand. That was a good weekend.
Later, we set the wedding date to June 25th, 2011. And we are learning so much about each other and growing closer to one another and letting God lead the way in out relationship. We know what we are getting into isn't easy, but like I said we are in it for the long hall and we are both looking forward to spending our lives together.


Now, as most of the people who read this will know, not all the detail is there. Part of a love story or actually almost all of it remains between us two. It also blends together and that's okay.

Something I learned from my devotions today

I was doing my devotions this morning. I am reading Ecclesiastes and am only in the second chapter. And I'm also reading a book by Francis Chan called "crazy love". Today I learned a couple things and thought I'd share.

1) Chasing after things of this world gains us nothing, chasing after God and what is eternal is what gains us something and lasts.

2) God is the movie, and we are the extras. We convey God's message...God does not convey ours.

Lately my focus has been on what I have to get done and what my life will look like. Especially with the wedding, and school, and finding a job, and just living day to day.

I read something today that made me think and changed my perspective in a crazy way. And I want to share it.

"I used to believe there are two kinds of people the natural worriers and the naturally joyful people...But there's that perplexing command: 'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice!' (Phil. 4.4). You'll notice it doesn't end with '...unless you're doing something extremely important.' No, it's a command for alll of us, and it follows with the change, 'do not be anxious for anything' (v. 6).

This came as a pretty staggering realization. But what I realized next was even more staggering.

When I am consumed by my problems--stressed about my life, my family, and my job--I actually convey the belief that I thing the circumstances are more important that God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have the "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional."

If you're like me, you'll be totally blown away and convicted by this. I was really wrapped up in my life and worrying all the time, making myself sick from stress. And I don't need to do that, and I was being selfish. I didn't realize I was conveying that my life was more important than God's plan. I'm not saying that the change I need to make will be easy, but I know that the life I live will be so much better without worry and stress. Becoming reliant in God and not myself.